Blind Date
by legalliz
Summary: Stephanie's mom is playing matchmaker again. And this time, the male suitor is a doctor! Could he be the man of Stephanie's dreams? Or is he another disaster relationship waiting to happen?
_Disclaimer: All of the characters, personalities, and backgrounds belong to the delightful Janet Evanovich._

Blind Date

"He's a doctor," my mom gushed with hopeful eyes. "I met him picking up groceries the other week, and he wasn't wearing a ring."

There were three things my mother had a sixth sense for: detecting lies, knowing when someone was knocked up, and finding desperate yet oddly available men. Her sixth sense must have been working in overdrive for this one. He was a _doctor_.

"Not interested," I said before shoveling a large bite of mashed potatoes into my mouth.

She looked at me like I'd just driven a dagger through her heart. "How could you not be interested?" she asked, her voice becoming shrill and exasperated. "Don't you _want_ to settle down? Don't you _want_ to meet Mr. Right?"

I tried not to let the questions get to me. This was a routine occurrence after all. Especially since my former boyfriend and I were currently "taking a break." The news had already circled through the local gossip mill, so of course I was getting offers for blind dates left and right.

My personal favorite was one from a skip I brought in the other day for work. I was loading him into the back of my car and the guy tells me he has a nephew about my age. I was _almost_ flattered except for the fact that my love life was nobody's business but my own. Plus I was pretty sure I was done with men for good this time.

"It's nothing personal, Mom," I said avoiding eye contact. "I'm sure he's a great guy and all, but I'm really just not interested."

An eerie silence fell on the dining room, and I could sense the glare aimed my direction from the other end of the table. I pretended not to notice and kept eating. Thankfully Grandma Mazur started up with a story from Bingo night and broke the growing tension in the room. Unfortunately it didn't help improve my mother's disposition. Apparently she was so upset that she didn't even offer me my usual bag of leftovers. It looked like I would be dining on peanut butter and olive sandwiches for the next several days.

I drove home in my clunker of a car, and despite my best efforts, I started feeling sorry for myself. Work had been slow again, my bank account balance was shriveling up, and I obviously had zero luck with relationships. I was wandering aimlessly through life; the only things keeping me grounded I decided I could count on one hand. It was pathetic.

I tossed my handbag on the kitchen counter when I finally made it up to my apartment. My pet hamster, Rex, poked his head out of his soup can in hopes of a hamster-sized treat. I grabbed a cracker from the cupboard and placed it in his cage. Rex sniffed at it then gave me the "are you kidding me?" look.

"Sorry," I sighed. "I blew the leftovers this week. Guess we'll have to make do with what we've got." Rex didn't look particularly excited to hear this. Who was I kidding? I wasn't exactly thrilled about it either. But at least I had my small shreds of dignity to comfort me, right?

That night in bed I played the game of counting all the reasons why it was great to be single and unattached. I only made it to number four before I got distracted by thoughts of romantic evenings out, sleeping next to someone every night, chocolate, sex, and marriage. I think the chocolate snuck in there because I was still a little hungry. Or maybe it was because when it was coupled with any of the other thoughts, it made them that much better. A mental lightbulb clicked on. Maybe that's what I _really_ needed; not a man but a chocolate binge.

I debated the urgency of my needed chocolate fix and eventually threw on a pair of sweats and drove to the closest convenience store. I loaded up on enough chocolate to leave me in a mild-to-moderate sugar coma and headed back to the apartment. Rex eyed me suspiciously as I walked back in. I'd already eaten through two snickers bars and half a bag of Oreos. I probably looked like a chocolate-crazed maniac.

"Don't judge," I said as I started in on a packaged brownie nearly forgetting to remove the packaging. "This chocolate is going to solve my problems." Rex gave me the equivalent of a hamster eye roll and scurried back into his soup can. An hour later my problems still remained unsolved. Apparently the only thing the chocolate had been good for was giving me the mother of all stomach aches.

Halfway to my bedroom, I doubled over in agony. I made a quick mental to-do list, or rather not-to-do list. I was never going to chocolate binge eat like this ever again. Unless maybe the world was ending. But even then I wasn't so sure it would be worth it.

I moaned and crawled my way into bed. No need for a man to keep me company tonight. The cacophony of sounds coming from my stomach would be my new constant companion for the next several hours. After seriously wondering if my grave stone would read something along the lines of "death by chocolate," I decided I'd call my mother back about the doctor in the morning.

His name was _Doctor_ Barry Bronson. He was new to the area, which was probably a good thing. Hopefully it meant he hadn't already gotten an earful about my history, current job, or recent failed relationships. My mother hadn't bothered to mention what kind of doctor he was, but at least he was probably financially stable and moderately intelligent. We arranged the date for Saturday evening, and I spent the majority of time until then debating whether or not I should cancel.

Before I had time to make up my mind, it was already Saturday. I spent the morning rummaging through my closet trying to determine an appropriate outfit. I owned a handful of dresses that ranged from "sweet and innocent" all the way to "seductive temptress." I decided I should probably take it easy on the first date, especially since I hadn't even met the guy yet. Eventually I settled on a nicer pair of jeans, a blouse, and some smokin' heels.

Sometime in the early evening, there was a soft knock on my door. I was pleasantly surprised that Doctor Bronson didn't look remotely like the homicidal maniac I'd been imagining all week. In fact, he really wasn't all that bad to look at. He had short sandy blond hair, soft brown eyes, and an incredible smile. Maybe this whole blind date stuff wasn't such a bad idea after all.

"Stephanie Plum?" he asked.

"That's me. You can come in for a minute if you'd like."

Barry walked in the entryway and did a subtle glance around. Hopefully the eclectic feel of the apartment wasn't an immediate black mark on my potential girlfriend resume. He was probably more accustomed to higher end décor. I would probably be too if my paycheck wasn't so erratic. Or if I really cared…

"You look just like your mother described," he said after a moment.

"I hope that's a good thing," I replied with a smile.

"Definitely a good thing," he smiled back. "Oh, I almost forgot! This is for you."

He handed me a small box with some flowers in it.

"Wow, I didn't know guys still did stuff like this. It's beautiful."

"May I?" He put the corsage on my wrist. I didn't want to get my hopes up too quickly, but I was pretty sure I had just found my prince charming.

Doctor Bronson drove a sleek, silver BMW. He held the door open for me as I slid into the passenger seat. I was nearly swooning.

We pulled in to the parking lot of a popular steak house, and an attendant appeared to offer valet parking. Barry paid for the parking and held an arm out to me as we made our way into the restaurant. This was quickly joining the ranks as one of the best dates I had ever been on.

Barry had cleverly made reservations, and our table was candle-lit and waiting for us just minutes after we arrived.

"I hope this isn't too over-the-top for a first date," he said picking up the menu.

"Not at all, but I'm starting to wish I would have gone with a different outfit. I'm feeling a little underdressed." Actually, I was really wishing I would have gone with the seductive temptress dress. I wanted to do every single thing possible to make sure this guy didn't get away.

"You look quite beautiful, Stephanie," Barry said flashing me one of his dazzling smiles. I felt my insides start to melt.

We ordered a couple glasses of wine and fell into light conversation about our families and how Barry felt he was acclimating to the culture shock of living in New Jersey.

"It's not really all that bad," he laughed. "I mean there's lots of good things here. Like…" he paused. "Well the weather's kind of decent part of the time. And the people have been _mostly_ friendly."

"Barry, the smog is thicker than second-hand smoke here, the humidity is terrible, and most of the people are a little on the crazy side. You don't have to sugar-coat anything for me. I grew up here, remember?"

"Well, at least the women here are beautiful."

I raised an eyebrow. "Got dates lined up every day of the week, do you?"

"Actually I've only had time to go on one," he said glancing at the menu again.

"Oh," was all I could think to say back.

"She's definitely one for one though." I felt my cheeks warm.

"Thanks."

The waiter stopped by to take our order. I was just about to speak when I was interrupted by Barry.

"She'll have the grilled chicken with the rice pilaf, spring vegetables, and the Caesar salad. I'll have the filet mignon, medium rare with the garlic mashed potatoes and the steamed broccoli."

The look on the waiter's face was probably something similar to my own. I was _not_ a fan of people ordering food for me. It seemed completely rude and somewhat demeaning. It's not like I was a child or incapable of making my own decisions. Ok, life decisions, maybe, but I definitely knew what I liked and wanted when it came to food. Strike one, Doctor Barry. Strike one.

Our dinner arrived, and although I was still a little huffy about not getting the chance to order for myself, the grilled chicken was pretty good. I was almost finished eating when the conversation shifted to work.

Normally I'm not super ashamed of what I do for a living. I'm a bond enforcement agent for my cousin Vinnie's bonds office, and most of the time it's a pretty decent fit for me. The hours are good, and I'm tough and resilient enough to usually succeed in bringing in the skips. However, sitting across from a doctor who had spent a bazillion years in school, I was starting to feel that my profession wasn't all that great.

"Your mom mentioned that you're a bounty hunter of sorts," Barry started. "Is that true?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm actually a bond enforcement agent. We only use the term "bounty hunter" when we want to sound cool." Barry didn't smile at my joke. "And what is your specialty as a doctor?" I asked trying to take the focus away from me.

"Feet," he said proudly. "I'm a podiatrist."

"Interesting," I said doing a mental grimace. Here I had been imagining I was sitting across from a brilliant neuro surgeon.

"I give one hell of a foot massage," he added. Then he leaned closer to me and whispered, "I've been told I give other good massages too, if you know what I mean."

The mental red warning lights were starting to flash.

"Oh," I said.

"As a bounty hunter do you wear all that tight, black leather?"

I didn't like where this conversation was headed.

"Nope. Just a regular old t-shirt and jeans for me."

"How about handcuffs? Got any of those?" Barry licked his lips seductively. His eyes were starting to dilate.

I did the only thing I could think to do without making a big scene. I knocked my glass of wine into my lap.

"Geez, sorry," I said quickly getting to my feet. "I better get some water on this before the stain sets. Excuse me."

I made a mad dash for the bathroom. By the time I glanced at myself in the mirror, I had already decided it was time to ditch my date. Unfortunately our table was in clear view of every possible escape route. Maybe there was a fire alarm I could pull, or maybe… I glanced up and noticed a window on the far wall of the bathroom. It was a little on the smallish side, but I was pretty sure I could wriggle myself through it.

I waited until the bathroom was all clear and locked the door. The stall to the far right was probably my best bet, so I went and stood on the back of the toilet. I was surprised the window opened fairly easily. It took a moment to punch out the screen, but before I knew it I was hoisting myself up to freedom. Or so I thought.

My assumption that I'd fit through the window was off just a fraction of an inch…or maybe two. The jeans got hung up on something, and I suddenly couldn't move out or in anymore. How embarrassing! It was a new all-time low for Stephanie Plum. Fortunately there was a tree hedge outside mostly shielding me from direct public view.

I reached for the handbag that I had already tossed to the ground as I dangled from the window. As luck would have it, the darn thing was just out of reach. I wriggled and moved around as much as I could trying to extend my arm length. With one final grunting reach, I was rewarded for my efforts. I hung the purse around my neck just in case I might need something from it again and pulled out my phone.

First I dialed Lula, but the call went straight to voicemail. Probably out on a date or something. Then I dialed Morelli. He'd mock me for sure, but at least he wouldn't do it publicly. I waited for the line to pick up, but instead I heard yet another voicemail message. I wondered if he was ignoring me…

Quickly I skimmed through the remainder of my contacts list. Definitely not my parents. Mary Lou was probably too busy with her kids. My choices were seriously limited. Maybe Mooner would come rescue me. I laughed. Yeah right. He was probably too stoned to even find the steak house. I glanced at the number of my last resort and hesitated before calling it. I heaved an enormous sigh and pushed the call button.

"Hey, it's me," I said once the call connected.

"Babe."

"Have you got a minute?"

"Maybe."

"I have a bit of an emergency. I could _really_ use your help."

I gave Ranger the name of the steak house. He said he'd be there as soon as he could.

Although it was probably only about ten minutes until Ranger showed up, the time lapse felt like a freaking eternity. Especially since there were some antsy women waiting to use the locked bathroom. I felt my phone buzz.

"I'm here. Where are you?"

"Promise not to laugh?"

"No."

"Well, ok then." I paused. "I'm stuck in a window outside the ladies bathroom."

"You're kidding."

"Yeah. You got me." I sighed. "No, I'm not kidding! Now would you please get over here and help me out?"

The next thing I knew Ranger was peering through the hedge with a slight grin.

"Babe," he said coming to stand in front of me.

"Yes. Yes, I know. Ha ha. You can laugh all you want later, ok?"

Ranger switched to business mode and took a moment to study the window frame.

"I'm going to feel around the frame to see if I can tell where you're hung up, ok?"

His fingers brushed the skin near the waist of my jeans; I got a sudden shiver followed by tingles everywhere. If this wasn't so incredibly embarrassing, it almost would have been kind of sensual and seductive. I tried to think of something else.

From the other side of the bathroom I started to hear more frantic knocks on the door.

"Could you hurry up please?" I whisper whined. "I think I might die of embarrassment if they end up breaking down the door and finding me stuck like Winnie the Pooh."

"Wouldn't want that now, would we?" he smirked. "Alright. Hopefully that did it. Give me your hand."

Ranger gave my arm a swift tug, and for a moment I wondered if he pulled it out of the socket. Fortunately all his feeling around seemed to have done the trick. My hips popped through the window, and I fell with a giant thud right on top of Ranger. I sat up quickly and rolled off of him.

"Sorry," I grimaced. Ranger had already gotten to his feet. He pulled me up then quickly shut the window and tacked the screen back in place.

"After a skip?" he asked after a moment, brushing the dirt off his clothes.

"Sure. Let's go with that." He raised an eyebrow my direction. I sighed. "Listen, if I give you a rundown of my evening, could you give me a lift home?"

"Deal."

I glanced over at Ranger as I followed him to where he'd parked his car. He was dressed in client clothes today: a black dress shirt, dress pants, black tie.

"Sorry if I pulled you away from a meeting or something," I said.

"I was just pulling into the garage when you called. Not a big deal."

"Oh. Good."

He glanced back at me. "You look nice."

"Thanks," I smiled. "But the outfit could've been better without these shoes. My feet are killing me."

"Want me to carry you?" I stopped. I couldn't tell by the way he'd asked the question if he was joking.

"Uh…no, that's ok. It's not too far away, right?"

"Just a couple more miles." He glanced back at me again waiting for my reaction. "Kidding. The car's right over there," he said pointing across the street.

He unlocked the doors, and I slid into the passenger seat of his black Porsche. I sighed and leaned back against the headrest.

"So," he said.

"So," I said back.

"I think you were about to tell me the story of how you ended up stuck in the bathroom window of a restaurant?"

"Yeah, about that…" I turned my attention out the window. "Let's just say it was another classic Stephanie Plum moment."

"You're not getting away with that explanation. I get the _whole_ story, remember?" Oh, I remembered alright. Ranger was all about his deals.

"Ok," I sighed. "I was on a blind date."

"Must have been really something if you had to escape out the bathroom window."

"Actually, it started out really well. The guy seemed nice. He even brought me this," I said showing Ranger the corsage.

"Should have brought you roses instead."

"It wouldn't have mattered," I muttered ripping it off my wrist and tossing it out the window. "He turned out to be a complete jerk. Just like all men."

"Why's that?" Ranger asked quietly.

"Because he thought if he could wine and dine me, I'd take him back to my place and cuff him to my bed wearing my skin-tight leather pants and stilettos. That's obviously what a bounty hunter girl would do, right?" I was starting to get a little emotional. "Geez, what a scum bag…" Tears burned in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. Ranger sat quietly in the driver's seat the remainder of the drive back to my apartment.

"Sorry," he offered as we walked down the hallway to my door. "About the date."

"I'm over it," I said reaching for my keys. Then I remembered I had Barry pick me up tonight at my place. The creep knew where I lived. "Hey…want to come in for a minute?" I asked. I suddenly remembered I had nothing to offer by way of food or beverage. My grocery budget had been a little on the sparse side lately.

Ranger eyed me for a minute probably scrutinizing the implications of my invitation. "Why not?" he said walking into the apartment.

Rex was busy running on his wheel. I peaked in the fridge hoping the food fairy had magically dropped by. I sighed and shut the door. No such luck.

"I haven't had a chance to eat yet. Do you mind if I order something in?" Ranger asked from the living room.

"Sure. Sorry I don't have much on hand. Work's been a little slow lately, and…" I trailed off. "Well, you're familiar with the whole crazy routine."

"Speaking of, why don't you go change into something more comfortable. I think Rex and I can handle things out here until the food comes. Do you want anything? I wasn't sure if you'd had a chance to eat yet." Fortunately I had managed to finish most of my dinner before my ill-planned escape. For a moment I debated a possible dessert, but considering my previous chocolate debacle and the fact that I'd just spent part of my evening stuck in a window, I decided to take it easy on the fat and sugar scene.

"No thanks, I'll be fine. Be back in a few minutes." I walked to my bedroom and shut the door. The room was still a mess with various date outfit possibilities tossed haphazardly on my bed. I dug through the heap and pulled out some lounge pants and a t-shirt. I had just pulled my hair into a ponytail when I heard a knock at the door. It was probably the take-out delivery guy.

I opened my door and cringed when I heard a familiar voice.

"Um, does a Stephanie Plum live here?" Barry the doctor asked nervously. I hung back in my room waiting to see how the situation unfolded.

"No," Ranger answered flatly. "I live here."

"I'm pretty sure I met a girl here earlier this evening…" he trailed off.

"Are you calling me a liar?" Ranger growled. I bit my lip trying not to laugh.

"No, I just… Oh, never mind. She wasn't that great to look at anyway," he muttered as he turned to leave. Ranger slammed the door behind him. I went and slumped on the couch in the living room.

Ranger was leaning against the doorway flexing his fist. "Should've broken his pretentious nose," he muttered under his breath.

"Definitely not worth it." I felt my lips curve into a grin. "Thanks for handling that by the way. I bet he probably wet himself when you asked if he was calling you a liar." I snorted back a laugh. Ranger's body relaxed and I saw the familiar twitch of a smile. He came and sat on the couch next to me.

"Next time you should probably avoid inviting blind dates to your apartment. Otherwise I'll probably have to move in here permanently to make sure they leave you alone." So _that's_ how you got Ranger to move in…

"I'll try to be more careful in the future," I said rolling my eyes. "But in all fairness, he was _supposed_ to be a really great guy. He was a doctor after all."

"Not your type, babe," Ranger said eyeing me.

"Smart, handsome, and successful isn't my type?"

"That guy was an idiot."

"An idiot who drives a BMW and graduated from med school."

"I thought you didn't like this guy."

"I don't."

"Good."

It got awkwardly quiet. I glanced back at the door and frowned.

"You don't think he meant what he said, do you? You know, about me not being that great to look at." Ok, so I was definitely fishing for a compliment… And who knows? Maybe a pity make-out session too.

There was another knock at the door. I wanted to yell "come back later," but I didn't.

"That must be your dinner," I said instead.

Ranger got up and answered the door. He walked back to the couch a few minutes later with a bag in hand. Delicious smells wafted through the air, and I was seriously starting to regret my decision not to get anything.

"That smells amazing. What is it?"

"Pulled pork sandwiches…for two." There was a subtle smile. He went and grabbed a couple mismatched plates from the kitchen. "What do you think?" he asked after I'd finished a few bites.

"I'm thinking I'm glad I didn't have to go through my medicine cabinet to find something to drug you so I could eat your food," I smiled. Ranger gave a bark of laughter. "You doubt that I would?"

"Babe, when food is involved, I never doubt you. It'd be too dangerous."

Once the sandwiches were finished, I picked up the plates and dropped them off in the kitchen sink.

"That was _really_ good," I said heading back to the living room. "But do you want to know what would've made it even better?"

Ranger pulled me playfully back onto the couch. "A kiss?" he asked.

"Um…yeah, actually." I swallowed nervously. I was actually about to say some French fries, but the kiss stuff sounded delicious on a totally different level.

Ranger took my hand and leaned closer to me. I closed my eyes until I felt him turn my hand over and put something small in my palm. I opened my eyes; a silver-wrapped chocolate sat in my hand.

"Oh," I frowned.

"I thought you said a kiss would've made the dinner perfect."

"Yeah. I did. And I love chocolate, but…"

Before I knew what was happening, Ranger had pulled me over to him, his lips passionately locked with mine.

"Not exactly what you expected?" he whispered.

I bit my lip and shook my head. Ranger leaned in to kiss me again, but the moment was suddenly shattered by the ringtone on his phone. He pulled back.

"I should probably get that." He got up from the couch and answered the call.

I sat glazed-eyed and fuzzy-brained until he returned.

"Something came up. Sorry, but I've gotta go," he said pulling me to my feet. I followed him to the door.

"I still get the chocolate, right?" I asked with a smirk.

He tossed me the small, silver-wrapped chocolate then paused before heading out the door.

"Call me the next time you need to be rescued from a blind date. We could do this again." There was subtle twitch of a smile, and then Ranger was gone.

I decided to call my mom the next morning. Surely there was another desperate yet oddly available man ready for a blind date with Stephanie Plum.


End file.
